The Joy of Talking to Strangers

A lot of attention is being given to how isolated many of us have become. Researchers have identified this as a serious problem among older folks. But according to the Pew Research Center, this has become a significant problem among all age groups, especially among younger individuals. Many writers have associated our loneliness and isolation “epidemic” with COVID-19, which may be true. However, research articles have been written about this problem long before 2020. Another often cited culprit is our seeming addictions to our smartphones, and I suspect there is a great deal of truth in this. I am going to offer a potential cure for our isolation, regardless of the root cause. I am going to put a pitch in for learning to enjoy talking to strangers.

Let me start by saying that initiating conversations with complete strangers is not something that ever came naturally to me. Although I would not have described myself as a shy kid, I was always more comfortable just watching people. As an adolescent, I became more sociable, but that was always with friends and peers whom I already knew. When I was forced into the world of sales as a young adult, I had to learn to strike up conversations with people I did not know. And I really sucked at it! At first, every conversation had the well-defined purpose of getting the sale. I sucked at that, too. My ability to have casual conversations with people and eventually sell stuff to them only improved after my boss finally convinced me to slow down and enjoy getting to know my customers as individuals. He taught me the art of “listening”. Although my boss’s approach was somewhat manipulative, I eventually learned to enjoy listening to the stories my customers would tell me. It helped that these were southerners who are renowned for their tall tales and entertaining yarns. But, as I have travelled across the country, I have found that southerners don’t have any monopoly on unique personalities and compelling life stories.

My acquired taste for talking to complete strangers has served me well professionally, but its real benefit is that it has helped me avoid social isolation… when I take the time to do it. And, it has provided a good deal of cheap but quality entertainment. I have shared many laughs with strangers and cashiers in supermarket check-out lines. Sometimes, this involves laughing at the silliness of the person ahead of us who just pitched a fit over some great injustice. Sometimes it is enjoying an absurd quip about absolutely nothing. Other times, the exchanges are touching, making me reevaluate all the assumptions and judgments I am prone to make.

I would love to give you lots of examples of these interactions, but truthfully, most of them are not that memorable because they aren’t that important. That’s the point! These are simple, meaningless exchanges that provide a moment of entertainment and help me feel a little more connected to the people around me. Most of the time, both parties walk away unchanged, so grading our respective performances is pointless. Even if one of us gets judged harshly for saying the completely “wrong” thing, who gives a shit? And truth be told, no syllabus or grading rubric has been distributed, so I am not even sure what the “wrong” thing would be.

This is not to say that every exchange goes exactly as I would like it to. The other day, I had a sad encounter with another customer at the meat counter at Costco. The other guy looked at me dead in the eyes and exclaimed, “These prices are ridiculous! I can’t believe these prices for meat!”. I confess that I made a snap judgment about his likely MAGA affiliation, based on his age and physical appearance... I know, I know… judgments, books, and covers. Unfortunately, that judgment led to a less than empathetic response: “I know, and it is going to get worse. This is just getting started!”. The look on his face was one of utter shock. I immediately regretted my comment. For all I know, he was already feeling frightened about how far his dollar would stretch. If he has mouths to feed at home, this might be terrifying. My comment wasn’t the kind of empathic response a good liberal such as myself should be giving. I think our exchange would have gone a bit better, or at least less poorly, if I had left it with “I know!”

Another time, my wife and I were on vacation, stocking up for beach supplies at a local department store in a coastal community in Maine. As we approached the checkout, I noticed an older couple coming from the other direction. They were memorable because of the snotty comments the wife was making about all “these damn tourists” and her husband’s embarrassed facial expressions. Although I was one of those “damn tourists,” I thought her audacious rudeness was funny. So, although we were slightly ahead of them, I waved for her to enter the checkout line. In hindsight, my exaggerated head bow and hand gesture may have seemed a bit sarcastic... they were. So, I should not have been surprised when she responded with an equally sarcastic and exaggerated smile and “Thank you!” I think her husband may have left her that afternoon. But my wife and I are still laughing about that grumpy old lady in Maine fifteen years later.

So, what’s the point? You live in a world full of people just as interesting as you. Some of them will make you laugh, some will make you cry, some will make you think, and some won’t do much of anything. But if you are feeling socially isolated or lonely, take advantage of that resource. You are not making a lifelong commitment. You are just enjoying a little low-risk, contact-free fun. And even if it doesn’t go well, you still have something to text your friends about later.

Likes and comments are always appreciated!